Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
