i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
