I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
