we're blogging at a bar
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
