There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
