my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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