ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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