everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
