i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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