I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
