STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i need some magic done to my vagina
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
