if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
