I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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