summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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