I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
