end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
