i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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