Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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