you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
