just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
