Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
