my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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