Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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