shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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