She's JV to your varsity
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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