Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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