dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
