Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
