she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
