Only a mothe r could love this liver
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
