They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There r osticjed everywhere
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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