I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
