Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
