Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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