i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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