So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
