If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
