Non-Jews are for practice
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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