i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
