I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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