We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
