and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
