how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
two words...techno handjob
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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