i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
True college students do jello shots in the library
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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