ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
