I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
