Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
