this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
