really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
