its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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