did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
They have beer where we have blood.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
