Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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